i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
