You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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