He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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