Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
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