I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Sext me about skeletons
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
