We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
