My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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