He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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