I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
