I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
