we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
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