So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
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