Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize