u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
People in love make me want to vomit
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
