Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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