32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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