Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
