So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize