He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize