i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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