In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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