he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Randomize
