I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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