I don't think brook has ever known best
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
