he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Are we still banned from the library?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Randomize
