you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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