Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Randomize
