i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
