The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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