He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
