He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
