He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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