He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
