You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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