ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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