I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize