Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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