Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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