just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
