Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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