It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
