got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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