This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
