Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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