Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
