Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I just found puke in my bra..
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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