you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
