Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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