Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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