The maid of honor just puked.
That's intense
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
