Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
