how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
