one word: firstdatebathroomanal
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
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