I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I need to wash the frat house off of me
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
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