dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I deserve this hangover.
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