dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
