I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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