I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
