Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
