a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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