i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
