Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
