kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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