I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
