tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
