Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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