I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He felt like a one man threesome
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize