I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
