You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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